My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
