you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
