somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
