my mouth tastes like poor choices
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
