I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
