I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize