Your face is a jimmy john
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
