Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
