I think I am morally bankrupt
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
