I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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