do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
