she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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