I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
