How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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