I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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