Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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