Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
