Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
