Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
