yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
