Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
