The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize