fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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