Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
