I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
