This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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