im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
