Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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