once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
