I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
