She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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