i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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