I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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