after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
