I didn't shave. On purpose
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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