I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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