Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
