I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
