I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
