shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
