Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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