I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
