Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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