Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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