Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you still have your period?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She bit a glass in half.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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