So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
don't judge my taste in strippers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
