he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
