i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
