i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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