i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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