Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
