She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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