What did we do last night that was yellow?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
