we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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