the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
