i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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