I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
