so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
