I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
