i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
