He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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