Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize