From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
