i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
