Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
