Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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