apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
