Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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