We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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