I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
