her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
