Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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