she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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