This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize