i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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