Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
