This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
