He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
