I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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