If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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