but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize