just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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