he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
