Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
