So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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