So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
