Got a toothbrush?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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