So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
