so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
