I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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