your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
