sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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