think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
