I think i sorta joined a cult last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
